


Two Sides, Same Coin

by MsAJNinja



Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Charles-centric, Honestly Charles What Are You Thinking, Internal Monologue, M/M, Pining, Post-X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 11:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11334789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsAJNinja/pseuds/MsAJNinja
Summary: (set post X-Men: Apocalypse)Charles reflects on his relationship with Erik.—•—But Erik's goals surpassed his needs for family, for love. Even at the CIA facility, when Erik waltzed back in, Charles couldn't hide his surprise at his appearance. He stayed. 

Erik stayed. 

And that was where it all came down to, wsn't it?





	Two Sides, Same Coin

**Author's Note:**

> ok, so technically i wrote this oneshot right after apocalypse, but i never had the chance to finish it because i'm lazy and i sorta forgot this existed (it was buried in my writing doc lol). since it's in charles' POV, it's meant to be biased and inclusive. i love cherik with my entire being and I hope you have fun reading! 
> 
> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc., are the property of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Charles always knew Erik would leave. It was just a matter of when. He knew they would all leave him, despite his growing protests. He felt Erik's desire to rid himself of Charles' embrace with every passing moment. From their first meeting, Charles knew he would fall in love. It was inevitable with someone like Erik; he's charismatic, determined, and handsome. How could he not? But Erik's goals surpassed his needs for family, for love. Even at the CIA facility, when Erik waltzed back in, Charles couldn't hide his surprise at his appearance. He stayed. 

 _Erik stayed._  
  
And that was where it all came down to, wasn't it? Most of Charles' problems would've been solved if Erik had just stayed. He wouldn't mind if it wasn't for him because just having his presence soothes him. Was Erik oblivious to his love for him? Did he not see that he was already forgiven for his mistakes, that he had the power to help Charles fix his problems? Or maybe Charles was just too caught up in his own self-importance to truly see Erik’s feelings.  
  
But if Erik stayed, maybe the pain of losing his legs would lessen. If Erik stayed, maybe they could compromise on the mutant policies. If Erik stayed, maybe Raven wouldn't have left with him. If Erik stayed, maybe Charles could finally stop the void in his heart. But he didn't. He left Charles, lying on that blasted beach, the heat beating down on his sun-scorched face, with no sister and no use of his legs. He left and the tiny threads that held his life together finally fell apart, leaving only a scattered mess in its place.  
  
It was unbearable, going through the pains of using a wheelchair, waking up those early mornings, hazy with sleep, only to be harshly awakened by the fact that he couldn't move his _damn_ legs. And then Hank — the poor, brilliant man — gave him his legs back. Charles ignored Hank's warnings of the lost of his telepathic powers and watched as the gleaming needle pass easily through his fragile skin, feeling the liquid change something inside of him. He focused on the tingling sensations in his leg instead of the emptiness in his mind where the murmuring voices used to be.    
  
And then Logan from the future came barging in, ruining his routine, spouting about the doomed future and whatnot. Charles was adamant in his refusal to help, but Logan somehow managed to persuade him to break Erik out of his cell in the Pentagon.  
  
The sight of Erik in that ghastly white prisoner suit filled him with such rage and such heartbreak that he couldn't even manage to contain himself. Ten years and the wound was still as fresh as the day he got a bullet to the spine. It hurt, but it was cathartic so the pain in his knuckles lessened a bit.  
  
And then came the day on that plane; Charles never knew he could feel that wrecked and miserable in one sitting. Never knew that Erik harbored such malcontented feelings towards him as well, but he couldn't help the words that slipped out of his mouth, “Dry your eyes, Erik, it doesn't justify what you've done.”  
  
And Erik, that infuriatingly gorgeous man just shook his head. “You have no idea what I've done.”  
  
“I know that you took the things that mean the most to me.” Glossy eyes stared at Erik's immaculate form.  
  
Erik's voice hardened. “Well, maybe you should've fought harder for them.”  
  
“If you want to fight, Erik,” he growled, standing up harshly, ignoring Logan's words, “I will give a fight.”  
  
Charles rushed and grabbed the cloth of Erik's shirt and clenched with tight fists, knuckles whitening and hands shaking. He yelled, one part violent and two parts distressed, “You abandoned me! You took her away and you abandoned me!”  
  
“Angel. Azazel. Emma. Banshee. Mutant brothers and sisters, all dead.” With each clipped word, the plane reacted in time with Erik's flaming emotions. “Countless brothers experimented on. Butchered. Where were you, Charles? We were supposed to protect them. Where were you when your own people needed you. Hiding, you and Hank, pretending to be something you're not. You abandoned us all!”  
  
Charles picked himself up and, without a word, walked away. He stared at the window, not really seeing, and realized that while Erik was correct, Charles still had the right to be angry. He lost everything that day. His sister, his friend, his love, his legs— Erik took it all away because he was just so enamored with his ideals of a mutant-only world. Did Erik not remember their desperate, sweet kiss the night before the Cuba incident? Did he not feel Charles' adoration and love for him? God, was it all a hallucination? It seemed to be. Erik didn't seem to give any inclination of that night. Was he pushed aside for bigger things? Was he—  
  
Charles shook his head and recalled Erik's words. Erik's assumption were unfair, if somewhat justified. He felt every death like a blow to his own core. It wasn't that he didn't care for them. He _had_ abandoned them, but he was no use to anyone without his powers. He sacrificed his powers because he needed one thing in his life that Erik took away. He just needed one thing back and trading it away with his telepathy wasn't a problem. It wasn't as if it had helped in Cuba. No, that damnable helmet kept him out of Erik's mind. His wonderful, radiant mind was blocked and all he felt was a strange vacant place where Erik stood, proud and determined. He couldn't stop Moira from shooting, or from Erik moving the bullet because all he knew was that everything was _wrongsowrongsoemptystoptakeitoffoffoff—_ and then all he knew next was the coarse grains of sand in his skin, the smell of metal and salt in his nose, and numbness in his legs.  
  
Telepathy was useless to him, so how was he going to help save anyone else if he couldn't even save himself? It didn't help that there's an underlying wariness for people like him. Did no one see the subconscious distrust they all gave him once they realized what he could do? Even surrounded by all these mutants, he still felt alone. Raven had told him she wanted her privacy, as all the others did. He was granted a brief gift of Erik's mind and he was sucked into its beauty and depth. But no one wants someone to know their thoughts and Erik was a firm believer in privacy. So he complied, of course. He never wanted to discomfort anyone. But he's useless to the mutant cause without it.  
  
Erik's words stayed with him as they always did, so he stopped using the serum. God, was it painful to have all those voices back in his head. He was out of practice and he felt like a child again, relearning his ability while also relearning how to live life in a wheelchair.  
  
They saved the world again, or rather Raven does.  
  
She was hailed as a hero to the mutant community and he couldn't have been any prouder of her for sparing them. They all left their separate ways and Charles finally started to pick up the thread and sew his life back together. He reopened the school and took in so many brilliant, talented young students. He slowly learned how to deal with his anger and remorse and finally led a life worth living. But then another ten years passed and more trouble stirred.  
  
Before he knew it, this Apocalypse figure came into play and Erik right beside him, with his barely contained rage and grief that he felt from miles away. It wasn't long before they kidnapped him and placed him in the Egypt's blazing heat.  
  
He snorted derisively, feeling the obnoxious dirt and sand at his back; it was always the sand. He looked at Erik with forlorn eyes and said that there's more to him than just anger, mimicking his words from eons ago. Too bad the insufferable man never listened. He almost rolled his eyes. Well, at least he came through near the end. He gleaned from the others' minds and let his lips quirk up in a small grin. The metal ‘X’ was a bit symbolic.  
  
Charles looked at the new X-Men, gazing at their young faces, so reminiscent of the youth of the first recruits, and closed the door, leaving the others with their training.  
  
Erik asked, “What about the rest of the world? Does it ever wake you up in the middle of the night? That one day they'll come for you and your children.”  
  
He gazed solemnly into Erik's striking eyes and said, “It does indeed.”  
  
“What do you do when you wake up to that?”  
  
“I feel a great swell of pity for the poor soul that comes to _my_ school looking for trouble.” He looked at Erik's immaculate form and asked as he began to leave, “You sure I can't convince you to stay?”  
  
He hoped his longing didn't bleed through his words. Erik just smiled softly and said, “You're psychic, Charles. You can convince me to do anything.”  
  
Charles smiled, remorse saturating his thoughts. _No, I can't, Erik._ “Goodbye, old friend.”  
  
“Good luck, professor.” And with that, Erik walked out again.  
  
Charles slumped in his chair, fingers twitching in an attempt to reach for Erik, but he clenched his fist. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back into his wheelchair.  
  
“Headache, Charles?" a deep voice asked. Charles's eyes flew open and he gazed, slack-jawed, at Erik standing in front of the door. He tried desperately to crush the forming hope in his chest.  
  
“Erik, what are you—” Charles started.

The other man shrugged, looking so unlike himself as he smiled softly. “You might not have convinced me to stay yourself, but I figured it was high time to convince myself.” Erik placed a warm hand on his shoulder and hope grew, swirling around and dancing in his soul. “It’s time I come home if that’s alright with you.”

“Erik,” he said and choked up, hand grasping the one on his shoulder. He held the callused fingers in his hand tightly and kissed his knuckles. “You are more than welcomed to stay here.”

Erik’s eyes softened and he bent down to lay a small, chaste kiss near the corner of his mouth. “Thank you.”

It didn’t solve all their problems and underlying issues, but it was a start. A new beginning was all Charles needed and could ever dream for because he stayed.

Erik stayed.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed !
> 
> send me prompts on my [tumblr](http://smotheredinink.tumblr.com/) if you want :D


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